Discernment in Uncomfortable Moments
Discernment is the ability to make decisions that reflect your highest well-being. It is the ability to look carefully at something, recognize what is true or appropriate, consider how it aligns with your values, and make a mindful choice based on that understanding.
Discernment is more than simply making a decision. It beckons us to PAUSE, NOTICE, CONSIDER and DISTINGUISH.
Discernment is especially valuable when we encounter words or behaviour that leave us uncomfortable, surprised, or unsettled.
Someone might make a racist or discriminatory remark, use language that is disrespectful toward another person, make a crude joke, speak harshly about someone who isn’t present, or make a comment that crosses a personal boundary. Sometimes the comment is made in a group, and sometimes it happens one-to-one, where we may feel even more caught off guard.
Our first response might be shock, discomfort, anger, embarrassment, or simply not knowing what to say. We may go silent. We may laugh awkwardly. We may change the subject. We may only realize later how uncomfortable we actually were. None of these responses mean we agreed with what was said. Sometimes we simply need a moment to process an unexpected situation. This is where discernment can help.
Discernment allows us to recognize that something happened that crossed a personal boundary and creates space to consider what we want to do next.
Discernment isn’t about judging the other person or judging ourselves. It’s about becoming clear about what we are experiencing, what we value, what our boundaries are, and how we want to respond.
Rather than judging yourself for not responding in the moment, you can simply acknowledge: I was uncomfortable. Something happened that crossed a boundary for me. I need a moment to understand what I want to do next.
Discernment doesn’t require us to excuse the behaviour or pretend we weren’t affected by it. It allows us to pause and consider our response. If something similar happens again, you might choose to respond simply and directly:
“I’m not comfortable with that language. Please don’t use it around me.”
You don’t have to give a lengthy explanation or enter into an argument. Depending on the situation, you might end the conversation, change the subject, or remove yourself.
If the person respects your boundary, the conversation can continue. If they dismiss it, repeat the behaviour, or become argumentative, you may need to be more direct: “This conversation isn’t okay with me, and I don’t want to continue it. It’s time for you to go.”
The important part is that discernment gives us space between what happens and how we respond.
We can acknowledge our shock and discomfort, recognize our boundaries, and then choose a response that is appropriate to the situation and true to our values.
The Space Between What Happens & How We Respond
This is where discernment really comes alive. You may walk away from an uncomfortable encounter thinking, “Why didn’t I say anything?” Discernment allows you to replace that self-judgment with curiosity, awareness and a plan for what you might do next time.
Discernment doesn’t mean we will always respond perfectly in the moment. It means we can learn to recognize what happened, be compassionate with ourselves about our initial response, and choose differently when we have the opportunity again.
Discernment & Chakras?
Discernment can be understood through the lens of the chakras. It is supported by grounding and a sense of safety in the Root chakra, and expressed through personal choice, confidence and boundaries in the Solar Plexus chakra.
