This is the time of year we visit with friends, family and work. We gather together to celebrate the year gone by and the season of giving and love. But do you find it difficult to socialize, to fit in, to open up?
Let’s face it, we have all experienced times where we felt isolated, left out, alone or unloved. We convince ourselves we are doing our best. We make a conscious effort to attend events only to hide in the corner, feeling too shy to talk to anyone. Afterwards we complain no one approached us or welcomed us into their circle, or that it wasn’t a fun time. We just don’t fit in! We just can’t connect! I’m shy! Claiming we are shy is merely a byproduct of low self-esteem. While low self-esteem is an emotional disorder linked to social phobia, it is too easily used as an excuse to not engage with other people. If we feel too self-conscious to offer ourselves to others, then how do we expect to evolve? If we walk around feeling sorry for ourselves (shy) then we are basically just thinking about ourselves.
When we focus too much on how shy we are, how others won’t like us, or that we don’t have anything important to share, the only thing we are focusing on is how we feel about ourselves. We are not opening ourselves to how others may be feeling. While it may be difficult to hear about ourselves, we have become self-centered. We are no longer a centered-self.
Who are we to decide others what others will think of us? What makes us think others are not feeling the same way we are? What makes us think others need to make the first move to approaching us? When we do not open ourselves to invite in other people we are not respecting them or ourselves.
Okay, so we have social anxiety and now we’re reading this article that states we are displaying the behaviour of a narcissist. Not easy to hear, but think about it. How is acting small anything but the ego self limiting us from reaching our potentiality? This is arrogance masked behind the hurt we have experienced when humiliated or ridiculed in the past. We are afraid of saying the wrong thing, of coming on too strong, of not being liked. Our inner critic (arrogance) is quick to come to the surface stating “See, now you look like a fool, an idiot. You should have kept your mouth shut. I told you!” We all have that same inner critic. But we also have a choice in whether or not to listen to that critic.
What makes us think our needs are more important than anybody else’s? What if we all paid a little more attention to how other people might be feeling? Yes, we will feel anxious and nervous, but what if we met others with a smile, rather than shy. I’m pretty sure they will respond with a smile themselves. The way to be free of our shyness is to consider other people’s feelings before our own self defeating feelings/thoughts. This does not mean setting our own feelings aside. It means breathing and stepping out of the box, and opening ourselves to what others may be experiencing and allowing ourselves to meet them, at least half way.
This holiday season, when we approach someone new and they talk endlessly consider for a moment that they may be thinking to themselves “I wish I would shut up and let them have a say. I’m probably boring them to death!”
Let’s take responsibility for our own feelings, our own lives and grow up. Unless someone is downright cruel, no one is telling us we are not good enough, or that they are better than us.
Let’s open ourselves to stepping out of our comfort zone and start engaging in conversation with other people. Other people don’t expect us to be perfect, so let’s lighten up and invite in happiness and joy. Let’s take an interest in what others have to share. Drown out the inner critic that wants to shut you down and go for it.
Experience the holidays with newfound freedom; allow yourself to approach others, to listen and be heard, to enjoy the company of others.
Happy Holidays!
