Are You Listening to Me? ….
Have you ever thought no one was listening to you? Or has someone ever commented that you aren’t listening to them? We’ve all experienced both of these scenarios. So what is really happening?
We all communicate in our own ways, which is different person to person. Some of us enjoy listening more than speaking/talking, or the other way around. Listening is a skill that is learned and is definitely difficult for some of us.
When someone is talking to us, instead of listening and without realizing it, we begin formulating what we are going to say before we even know there is a question. We are literally getting ahead of ourselves, unaware of an inner need to control the conversation! How many times have we jumped to a conclusion thinking someone was going to say one thing only to realize we were way off in our assumption! Imagine what would happen if we waited to respond before we formulated what to say.
When someone tells us “you’re not listening”, they are also saying they have not been heard. When we are the person saying we don’t feel heard then we can take our lessons deeper to realize we have an underlying expectation for the person listening to respond in a certain way. We unknowingly set ourselves up to be disappointed if the response is anything other than what we hope it will be.
Our intention and how we communicate will affect how others hear us. If we dance around what we really want, then we are expecting others to read between the lines. What is really happening is we are trying to identify our feelings and needs through others. But we have not communicated clearly what we are feeling or what we want. When this happens the conversation becomes difficult, strained, and we may feel resentful.
Learning to listen begins with our selves – identifying what we are feeling, what we want and need, and then asking for support. For example, rather than focusing our attention on the other person guessing we can say “I am feeling irritated right now and need a few minutes to sort things out before I respond”, or “I am feeling hurt and I could use a hug or cup of tea”. Most people listening will respond by giving us what we need, but if we are attached to them responding with exactly what we requested then we have an expectation attached to our request which sets us up for disappointment.
Listening means we acknowledge present moment awareness of what is, not what has been or could be. Listening is the being centred and grounded in peace.
